What you Shouldn't do in the Dark Knight
by Tsubaki-Neko
Summary: Ever wondered what you could do in your free time in Gotham? Well I did, and I found out exactly what I shouldn't have done while there. Here's a list of the things you shouldn't do in the city of Psychopaths, Vigilantes, and the Wealthy.
1. Part 1

Tsubaki: Well, it's certainly been a while.

Dean: Where the hell have you been, you just left all of us!

Kurogane: Yeah, you put us all on hold.

Tsubaki: Gomen! I really didn't mean to, but since I'm in college now it's a lot harder to find time to write.

Sam: Okay, so why are you here now?

Tsubaki: Well, for one, to reassure everyone I'm not dead!

Dean: As if we cared…

***SMACK***

Dean: OW!

Tsubaki: -Innocently Smiling- And two… I can't sleep.

Sam: …

Tsubaki: ANYWHO! I don't own anyone in this… it's just a list after all!

'-'-' Do's and Don'ts -'-'

What you shouldn't Do in the world of the Dark Knight

1) Give Selina a litter box for her birthday

2) 'Borrow' the Bat Tank even after Bruce tells you "NO." 58 times.

3) Ask Talia Al Ghul if she has 'Daddy issues'

4) Steal Detective Inspector Gordon's Badge

5) Highjack Ra's Al Ghul's train

6) Buy out Wayne Enterprises

7) Introduce Rachel to Selina

8) Ask Crane if he's high, and if so, where to get what he has

9) Ask Joker if he prefers knives or pencils for his magic tricks

10) Recommend a Psychiatrist for Harvey's Split Personality Disorder

11) Ask Bruce if he has a Bat Credit Card*

12) Steal Bane's Jacket

13) Ask Deadshot if he's ever missed

14) Tell the Press that Bruce Wayne is secretly dating Harvey Dent

15) Tell Joker that his hair reminds you of seaweed*

16) Steal Harvey's Double head coin and replace it with a chocolate one

17) Sing 'It's a Beautiful day in the Neighborhood' while skipping in the middle of a street AFTER Bane's takeover

18) Get Blake drunk enough so that he starts wearing green tights and a red leotard, yelling, "I'm Robin!" into your camera.

19) Drag and dump Crane on the ice of exile since he loves it so much

20) Ask Bruce if he's emo AFTER Rachel dies

21) Ask Bane if he's ever taken up wrestling

22) Ask Batman if he's a vampire that watches teenage girls while they sleep

23) Buy two belled collars, one for Batman, one for Catwoman

24) When Bruce goes broke, offer him a cardboard box with his name in sparkly letters

25) Try to cook without electricity OR Alfred

26) Burst in on Bruce and Miranda/Talia's moment and ask where the fire extinguisher is

27) Buy Bruce a dog and name it Krypto*

28) Break a tea set and tell Alfred Krypto broke it

29) Tell Selina that if she keeps up her crime life, she will grow old and alone with only her 28 cats to keep her company as she yells at people to get off her lawn in her apartment building.

30) Sing '100 bottles of beer on the wall' at the top of your lungs while stuck with Bane and his men underground.

31) Wear Garlic around your neck while holding a cross and shouting bible verses at Batman

32) Reply to Bane and Talia "What Bomb?" when asked where you hid it from them

33) Let Joker loose from Arkham with explosives

34) FILM said madman with Batman chasing him through Gotham, while you pop popcorn

35) Invite your friends to watch madness with you

'-'-' Do's and Don'ts -'-'

*11(Those of you that have seen Batman and Robin know what I'm talking about XD)

*15(Just like Gil!)

*27(Who else knows this Superdog!)

Tsubaki: Well, here they are, the first thirty five… I might come up with more later if I get the time.

Dean: Now if only you were like this with your OTHER stories.

Tsubaki: Oh shut it Jerk!


	2. Part 2

Tsubaki: Wow, to be honest, I didn't think anyone would like this…

Tybalt: What makes you say that?

Tsubaki: Nii-san?! When did you-!? Gah, nevermind!

Tybalt: I'm waiting.

Tsubaki: Well, it just came out of nowhere for me. Anyways, I guess I can make a couple more pages for you reviewers, but I can't promise too much. Now then, as for the reviewers…

**Tipper T: Noes! Not the dreaded bat credit card! ... I kid, pretty funny though. I liked the last three! XD**

**-Yes the dreaded credit card from Batman and Robin, I just couldn't help myself!**

**PolarLuv: Lol i busted up after reading #1**

**-Well I'm glad you enjoyed them! Here's a second batch!**

**Julie Reed: Hahaha that was funny!**

**-Sorry I can't post your entire Review, wouldn't be any more room for my list, but I still loved it. To be honest, your favorite picks were the ones I probably enjoyed thinking up the most. XD**

**Mela Sunstrong:** **Sing 'It's a Beautiful day in the Neighborhood' while skipping in the middle of a street AFTER Bane's takeover**

**lol, I might seriously consider that, but whilst building rows of funny-looking snowmen all along the sidewalks by city hall. :D**

**-ROFl, yeah I'd probably do that too, along with numbers 59 and 60. :D**

Tsubaki: Well then, on with the incredibly useless list! XD Here to do a disclaimer this time is Garry from Ib!

Garry: What!? Why me?

Tsubaki: Cause I said so!

Garry: ***sigh*** Tsubaki doesn't own anything or anyone in this list.

'-'-' Do's and Don'ts -'-'

36) Tell Selina that scratching a post is a good stress reliever

37) Sit on Bane's shoulders for more than five minutes just to feel taller

38) Tell Batman "Superman can do a better job!"

39) Ask Mr. Fox to become the next President

40) Ask Harvey, which he likes more, Chocolate or Vanilla*

41) Lock Bruce in the same room as Bane AND the Joker

42) SOMEHOW convince Alfred that Bruce gave him the week off

43) When Bruce finds out about #42, blame Krypto again

44) Introduce Bruce Wayne to Tony Stark*

45) Call Bane a pedophile*

46) Ask Bruce if he ever considered Butterflyman

47) Start calling Blake 'Big Bird"

48) Throw Selina's heels at Bruce

49) Buy Selina a new whip to replace said heels after somehow losing them out the window and into a river

50) Make "Team Tony" and "Team Bruce" shirts for #44*

51) Make your own costume and 'follow' Batman to 'help' him

52) Accidentally misplace Bane's morphine

53) Ask for acting lessons from Selina

54) Aim a gun/ arrow at Blake if he wears red, green, and yellow

55) Call Blake 'bulls eye boy' if you do end up doing #54

56) Explain to Bruce what Yaoi is

57) Record his reaction

58) Put a collar on Selina and ask Bruce if you can keep her

59) Make Snow Angels in front of city hall during Bane's takeover

60) Start a snowball fight while your at it

61) Introduce your friend Sherlock to Batman*

62) Time how long it takes Sherlock to find out Batmans identity

63) Call Crane 'Mr. Potato Head'

64) Find some random man named Edward Nigma and 'Accidentally' make him a super villian called the Riddler*

65) Throw Holy Water at Ra's Al Ghul when he comes to Gotham

66) Ask Bruce if he sleeps upside down

67) Make Joker tell ghost stories

68) Plot world domination with Arkham inmates

69) Give Bane diet pills

70) Ask Bruce how much he has in his bank account to the exact amount

'-'-' Do's and Don'ts -'-'

*40(I wonder which he would choose… he'd probably end up saying both and try to shot me if I said otherwise ^_^;)

*44(Billionaire Playboy philanthropist smack down! Who would win?)

*45(Before you ask, NO, I don't have anything against Bane! *Hugs Bane's arm*)

*50(You can turn them inside out for "Team Ironman" and "Team Batman"!) XD

*61(I wish I had a friend like him! I wouldn't be bored!) XD

*64(The Riddler is a child favorite of mine, if I could I would try to find him)

Tsubaki: Here's the second round!

Tybalt: Huh, you actually tried all of these?

Tsubaki: … In a way… yes.


	3. Part 3

Tsubaki: What the-!? There's more of you!?

Tybalt: What did you expect? That they would just stop?

Tsubaki: … A little?

Tybalt: ***sigh*** Your unbelievable.

Tsubaki: Well, ah… anyways! Reviewers of last chapters…

**IaMcHrIsSi: The rules 61 and 62 are so cool! My bet is 10 seconds! Please go on soon!**

**-Heh, I bet 8 seconds! Too bad that it can't really happen. **

**Julie Reed: And again, this is too funny XD I especially like the ones you do about Bane and Selina, maybe because their character allow more, I don't know really, more mocking at them, maybe? that sounds mean XD I don't know, I just think they are great and I would definitely make snow angels in front of the city hall during Bane's takeover XD **

**This time my faves are: 38/ 42/ 45(that was mean XD)/ 51/ 59&60/ 69(hahahaha, I would like to see his face)**

**-Ah don't worry, it's not too long. I really don't mean to pick at Bane and Selina too badly, they're just really easy to tease, along with Brucey, not to mention that they both are on my top ten Batman villains list! **

Tsubaki: I may start adding in more characters from the Batman comics/tv shows/movies, so be prepared (hee, Scar reference FTW)!

Tybalt: Tá tú den sórt sin a deirfiúr leanbh.

Tsubaki: Damn you! You know I can't understand you!

Tybalt: Is é sin an pointe.

Tsubaki: GAH! I don't own anyone or anything, JUST THE LIST.

'-'-' Do's and Don'ts -'-'

71) Make bets on what Joker's real name is*

72) Serve Selina Rat's and Fish for dinner

73) Blackmail Ra's Al Ghul to become a member of the League of Shadows

74) Start calling Crane 'The Pumpkin King' or 'The Headless Horseman'*

75) Mix Harvey's coin with a bunch of other similar coins

76) When Harvey asks if Rachel has any insane ex-boyfriends, say "No, but she will."

77) Turn on the Police Sirens in Gordon's car

78) Tell Tony Stark that Bruce Wayne is THE billionaire playboy philanthropist, NOT him

79) Tell Bane that Talia cheated on him with Bruce

80) Have Selina meet your dog

81) Call Joker for Birthday parties

82) Give Blake a cookie for finding out Batman's identity

83) Pout while asking Bruce why he gave the Batcave to Blake and not yourself

84) Ask Bane if he's ever taken steroids

85) Introduce Dr. Harleen Quinzel to the Joker*

86) Ask Dr. Freeze if he's considered living in an ice cream factory

87) Put Bane, Loki and Sherlock in a battle of wits against each other for your entertainment*

88) When you first see a giant bat in the sky, call animal control

89) Set a bunch of fireworks off IN Wayne Manor.

90) Use weed killer on Poison Ivy

91) Ask Crane if he's a Pagan god that prays on innocent couples that are given to him as an offering. *

92) Even if Crane says "No." to #91 burn an old tree near by just in case.

93) Steal Mr. Foxx's keys to the research department and lose them.

94) Use a mattress to slide down the stairs in Wayne Manor.

95) Ask the Joker if it's normal for him to dress in drag.

'-'-' Do's and Don'ts –'-'

*71(Does ANYONE know Joker's real name… eh, it's the mystery that makes him an awesome character!)

*74(I think I can come up with SO MANY nicknames for this guy, hopefully these are the last two… maybe.)

*85( I LOVE Harley Quinn, so yeah, I'd do this… even if I shouldn't.)

*87(Three brilliant minds in the same room, I'd put Moriarty and Mycroft in there too if it weren't already so crowded.)

*91(Supernatural Anyone?)

Tsubaki: Here's part 3! I don't know how many I should do up to this point, but I'm thinking of actually doing an Avengers, Doctor Who, Supernatural, or Sherlock list next… maybe even all of them and more. I'd love your opinions so R&R.


End file.
